#170: Saying NO to People Pleasing and Establishing Effective Boundaries with Amy Smith

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What we’re talking about in this episode!

  • How to kick people-pleasing to the curb and just say no to what isn’t serving you
  • Why you should stop putting everyone else’s needs in front of your own
  • Tips for establishing boundaries and making yourself happy
  • The three phases of setting boundaries and how to enforce those that you set
  • How to silence your inner critic and own the boundaries that are okay with you

Episode Summary

Have you ever set boundaries for yourself and your health, only to have someone close to you undermine those boundaries? Setting boundaries around your health choices and enforcing them can be difficult, which is why I have brought boundary expert Amy Smith on the show today. 

Amy has helped thousands of people create boundaries that serve everyone involved, and she is a pro in the art of boundary enforcement and setting clear intentions. A certified confidence coach, masterful speaker, and personal empowerment expert, today Amy is here to provide you with actionable tools so that you can stop your cycle of people-pleasing. 

Instead of putting up with your discomfort and shutting your mouth to make others more comfortable, Amy wants to provide you the tools to handle uncomfortable conversations with grace and ease. If you are struggling with your self-worth, it could be a result of your decision to please others over yourself. With Amy’s guidance, you can take the easy and simple steps necessary to create boundaries and foster the respect from others that you deserve. 

If you have been going through life people pleasing, over explaining or minimizing your needs for the sake of others, it will take some practice to change your learned habits. However, boundary setting can help you stop compromising your happiness and start prioritizing you. With Amy’s tips, you can create the superwoman confidence that you desire.

If you are ready to put yourself first, stop worrying about what others think, and start from a place of courage, this is the episode for you. Let us know what you think about Amy’s approach to people-pleasing in the comments below!

Quotes

“I realized in that moment that speaking up for yourself and really taking a stand for who you are in this world is not always an ultimatum such as that, it’s not always that stark. But I realized that if push comes to shove and I have to choose between making you happy and making me happy, I am going to choose me.” (12:32)

“The place to figure out where I need to establish a boundary is usually the thing that I chronically and consistently complain about.” (19:12)

“The thing that I want you to understand about why this is so imperative and so incredibly important is that if you are consistently silencing yourself over and over again, you are sending a subconscious message to yourself that everyone else’s wants, opinions and needs are more important than your own. (26:16)

“The first item of business is to do an inventory of what your inner critic is saying and when. And, when are the triggers?” (37:42)

“Our mind, our subconscious mind, knows knowns and unknowns. Knowns are safe even if they are not, and unknowns are not safe, even though they might be totally safe. So that’s the whole homeostasis that I am trying to get back to.” (41:16)

Resources Mentioned

The Joy Junkie Website

The Joy Junkie Podcast

Follow Amy on Instagram

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2 Responses to #170: Saying NO to People Pleasing and Establishing Effective Boundaries with Amy Smith

  1. Sherry February 28, 2020 at 3:06 pm #

    Really good information! Several things really struck a very strong cord with me. The mention of MIL as well as food issues are things that I’ve struggled with for decades. The MILchose to make my food choices, likes, dislikes as well as a medical condition that expressly prohibits the consumption of gluten into a personal affront to her. While what we consume only changes us on a cellular level, to hear her speak with such strong emotion, one would think I was forcing my choices on her. Dozens if not hundreds of times I’ve become the focus of disdain & ridicule fue to what I eat or do not eat. While I never brought this to the forefront, somehow I routinely got caught up in a whirlwind of judgement & disapproval. Over & over again this has played out. There must have been some level of me believing I am not deserving of making any choices on my own or would not have drawn this behavior. Or maybe not? The statement that was made that over explaining is actually apologizing might be paramount here.

    • Dr. Mariza March 17, 2020 at 6:16 pm #

      Wow. Thanks for sharing this information with us, Sherry! Have you checked my other podcast episodes? Here’s the link > https://www.drmariza.com/podcast/

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